Courting, Tractor Dates, Macra Babies and Swiping Right in Rural Ireland is the intriguing title of a new book by journalist Liadán Hynes.
It tells the touching stories of people trying to meet ‘the one’ in rural settings where the ingredients for successful dating – choice, proximity, free time and for some, alcohol and anonymity – aren’t always guaranteed.
The author set out to look at the modern practicalities of dating in rural Ireland. She speaks with a wide variety of people: Those living on farms and islands, in towns and villages, those who grew up in the countrywide, some who never left, some who did and then returned, and those who moved there for the first time as adults.
The stories in the book, Liadán observes, reveal that in the quest to find a partner, there can be a tension between love and place.
Love and location
An attachment to place – to the very spot in the world that defines you and where you belong – can make you sacrifice the possibility of meeting someone in favour of the lifestyle you are afforded by the location you have chosen, she discovered.
Or, that attachment may be the very thing that identifies exactly who you should be with: A person who understands that lifestyle, that place and similarly prioritises it.
Early adopter in dating sites, Muddy Matches which is celebrating its 15th year in business, is featured along with niche sites such as Redhead Dates, the invitation-only elite dating apps as well as the well-known players.
Sometimes spreading the net more tightly can have the inverse of revealing someone right under your nose who you might have otherwise missed, Liadán observes.
One of Muddy Matches’ favourite success stories is of a couple who had always lived in the same village, always noticed each other from afar but not talked. It was only through seeing their profiles on Muddy Matches that they realised they were both single and finally got together.
Tullamore, temptation and tractors
However, matchmaker and dating specialist Mairead Loughman had a different tale to tell.
She sent a couple from the Tullamore area on a date. The date was taking place elsewhere and when the woman asked if it could be moved to Tullamore so there would be less travel, the man, from a small town nearby, immediately refused as he was afraid someone he knew would see him.
Mairead also pointed to our reflex instinct in Ireland of finding a middle person to connect a new acquaintance to those we already know, which isn’t always helpful from a dating perspective.
“There are so many times a guy will come back to me and say: ‘She’s a lovely girl, I don’t know if she’s the person for me. I would like to have met her again but I know her uncle. I meet him at the mart. I’d just be afraid, say if she took a shine to me, and it didn’t work out, sure I’d be the worst in the world. So actually I’m not going to meet her for a second date’,” she explained.
With farmers’ hectic schedules often posing a problem when it comes to nights out, one couple told of their novel solution: Tractor dates. If Stephen couldn’t take time off work to meet Vicki, she would simply go to his place of work, the field, where she would sit up on the tractor with him.
The difficulty in settling into isolated rural areas around the time of the Covid-19 lockdown is explored by Vicki and Stephen as well as by Gabriela from Mexico and her partner from Claremorris.
Important topics such as succession are also touched on. It can be a very taboo subject in Irish agriculture, the author noted.
Macra’s role in bringing couples together is acknowledged in Courting: Tractor Dates, Macra Babies and Swiping Right in Rural Ireland and there’s a look at agri influencers.
There’s also an interview with Erica, a transgender woman who farms in Cork, where her neighbours and local community are supportive.
The book is divided into four parts: The Land, Blow-Ins, Finding Your Tribe and Coming Home, with different stories in the sections. Written in a chatty style, it will resonate with many who are navigating the world of dating apps right now.