We have nearly stopped talking to one another and interaction is being eroded, according to retired Roscommon barber, Paddy Joe Burke, who is urging individuals to take action and reach out to people in their local communities who may be isolated or vulnerable.
Having worked as a barber for 52 years, he said he came across many “lovely” men on a daily basis who would drop into his premises – a ‘mighty GAA house for all the Rossies’ – and all they wanted was to chat.
He remembers one man in his 60s who burst out crying after telling him that he hadn’t got a single card that Christmas.
“It’s nearly a bit of a badge of honour to say: ‘I’m not sending Christmas cards’ but if you were to only send three cards to people living alone, there would be a huge impact. It could change someone’s whole world.
“We’re going at 928 miles an hour. The pace of life has increased with work demands. There is huge pressure on a lot of people but the greatest thing you can give someone is your ear, to sit and listen to another human being.
“When we sit down and listen to another person, it’s a two-way street. It’s good for us to put on the handbrake and slow down,” said the Age Friendly ambassador.
In his time driving from his home in Ballymote, Sligo, to Roscommon, he was always trying to find people out chatting with each other, he said.
However, his hopes were dashed: “It’s all about looking and sounding good now but we need to talk to the man with the turned down wellingtons too. We need to ask what we can do to bring a bit of daylight into their day.”
The situation, he contended, is nobody’s fault but we shouldn’t wait for organisations to solve the problem.
“The answer lies in every individual asking them what they can do for someone. Kindness has a long memory.
“We all remember someone who was nice to us going to school and who, for various reasons, is no longer out in the community. Now it’s time to return that kindness.
“Buy an apple tart and call to that person for 20 minutes to half an hour. Don’t outstay your welcome,” he said.
On the sadness of missed opportunities, he said: “Don’t be buying flowers for the dead. How many times did we say: ‘I meant to call to that person in the nursing home or wherever.’ The most precious thing we have is time.”
The retired barber said he was just after coming from visiting an elderly man who lives on his own: “I spent 45 minutes with him and it was the grandest chat. The wisdom and information I got from that chat was amazing `and I felt great afterwards.
“No other thing in my day would give me as much happiness and satisfaction. He asked me to be sure to call again and I will go back in a few weeks and spend another 45 minutes with him.”
We are chasing money and material things and missing out on the knowledge of those ‘beautiful human beings’ who are living alone, according to Paddy Joe.
“A lot of older people are a biteen shy and insecure and a bit intimidated by modern Ireland. The onus is on us to go to them,” he contended.
Paddy Joe said he and his wife were coming from a shop in Co. Mayo recently when they saw two elderly women sitting on a bench.
“We went over to wish them a happy Christmas and they were absolutely delighted. It was a beautiful encounter.
“When we were walking away, my wife said: ‘Imagine the missed opportunity if we had not gone over to those beautiful people. If we all did that with just one or two people, we could make a massive difference to people’s lives.”
Paddy Joe grew up on a farm, and his home was “a rambling house” where “all of the neighbours came in every night, playing cards and singing songs. It opened us up to the art of interacting with one another”.
The retired barber said he doesn’t tell others what to do: “All I can do is make a suggestion. If all of us took a bit of responsibility ourselves, there would be a great impact.
“It’s Christmas. All we need to do is to say hello to someone and give them a warm smile. Don’t be waiting for them to say hello. We need to get back to what we do best in Ireland. The nicer we are to our older people, the happier we will be ourselves.”