7 ways to spot a farmer on a night out
With Christmas season kicking into full swing there are a lot of excuses to go on a night out in the lead up to the festivities.
Whether you’re going out for your Christmas work party, or friends have flown home from far-flung destinations for the holidays, it’s fair to say that most people will spend a night, or two, on the tiles this month and into the beginning of 2018.
But would you be able to spot a farmer on a night out? Here are some of the telltale signs.
1. The brown shoes and the chequered shirt
Now we don’t condone judging a book by its cover; but, common trends shine through when a farmer picks out their gear for a night out.
These are trends that have stood the test of time, dating back well into the last millenium – granted the brands may have changed.
For generations a jeans and flannel shirt combo has been the go-to look for farmers on a night out. This is generally accompanied with a pair of brown, or tan coloured, shoes/boots/wedges. This look is a dead giveaway that the person is a farmer.
If the person couldn’t bear to leave their machinery jacket at home for the night, and their collar is ‘popped’, you can bet your house that you’ve spotted a farmer.
2. A farmer’s chat-up line: ‘How’re ya for road frontage?’
If you’re on a night out and overhear someone talking about road frontage, they’re probably a farmer – farmers are obsessed with land.
This is a popular chat-up line among farmers, widely considered an effective ice-breaker. Sure why would you want to talk to someone if they’re a city slicker and haven’t got an acre of land to their name?
Other conversation topics favoured by farmers include: the weather, farm-gate prices and machinery – these chats are also prone to get quite heated at times.
3. Some very questionable music choices
Farmers have a soft spot for catchy country anthems like Marty Mone’s ‘Hit the Diff’, or Nathan Carter’s ‘Wagon Wheel’. It’s a common love that all farmers share, similar to their affection for land, machinery and their mother’s cooking.
A true farmer will belt out every lyric of these tunes; even if they haven’t got a musical note in their head.
Other honourable mentions go to the likes of Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ and Pat Shortt’s classic ‘The Jumbo Breakfast Roll’.
4. Forget the robot…jiving’s back in style
In fairness to farmers, some can bust a move on the dancefloor when they put their minds to it. A lot of farmers are avid jiving fans and will showcase their talent on a night out.
Rather than jumping around the place to ‘Hit the Diff’, a farmer can gracefully move around the dancefloor with an able partner; a skill that has to be appreciated.
Dedicated jivers won’t let the type of music being played get in the way when they get the urge to shake a tail feather; even if club classic ‘Maniac 2000’ is blaring through the speakers.
Farmers with two left feet – who are generally never seen close to the dancefloor – will be tempted when ‘Rock the Boat’ comes on.
5. It’s not Tinder they’re looking at on their phones
Farmers are just as accustomed to checking their phones as their urban cousins. However, the impulse can be for wildly different reasons.
Whether it’s keeping up-to-date with all the latest news on AgriLand, or checking to see if that heifer calved while they’ve been out, the phone has become an essential piece of kit for any farmer.
They could also be checking to see if their balancing BPS payments have landed in their accounts; nights out are a costly business.
6. The party moves to the nearest chipper
One of the best parts of a night out is the guarantee of a takeaway at the end. Burgers, curry chips, kebabs and pizzas are popular choices among the general public.
But among farming folk, nothing signals the end of a good night on the tiles like a snackbox – pronounced “shnackbox” – and a small carton of milk. The milk is the key giveaway here!
7. Getting a lift home in a tractor
As the night comes to an end, and the guilty takeaway pleasure is wolfed down, people have to start thinking about getting home.
If you’re up in the ‘Big Smoke’ there’s an abundance of taxis; not so down the country. Getting lifts home is a common occurrence outside of ‘the Pale’.
If you’re still trying to spot a farmer by the end of the night; keep an eye out for anyone getting a lift home in a tractor. Sure there’s nothing better than getting a lift home from Tubbercurry in a tractor.
4X4s (aka jeeps) are also another common form of transport; but they must have a tow hitch! Otherwise it could be a city slicker with notions that they need a 4X4 to navigate the high street.